'a bit psychological, a bit philosophical, a bit poetic'
REBELLIOUS EMPATH. VULNERABILITY ADDICT. FOUNDER OF ACADEMY OF AUTHENTICITY. EMOTION-MINDSET SPECIALIST. WRITER. DREAMER. SPEAKER. DOER. BOLDLY IMPERFECT. WILDLY-AUTHENTIC.
Hi....! (I'm TESSA ALEXA!)
Thanks for being here!
there's Many 'life-defining' moments i've had which have led me to this point... so choosing just one to share with you was a little difficult, I won't lie! (kinda goes against the Authenticity thing, huh)
i've decided to share a story with you though that i wrote last year around the time i was Getting academy of authenticity off the Ground...
i had begun writing my book [#confessions of a vulnerability addict] at that time too, and this piece of writing unexpectedly bought the two worlds together.
from fear to trust to love.
and i mean...
for all epic adventures, there's always gotta be a grand love story fuelling the whole thing, right?
Oct 2015: I heard my message tone. I looked at my phone. It was from him. I read it. My body crumbed to the floor.
Rejection swam through my veins before I could logically work out what was going on.
And then... came the unfathomable rage.
An untamed, hot rage unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.
“How. Dare. He. Treat. Me. Like. This”
The rage unexpectedly rocked me from the floor to my feet, and within one wrathful breath I blocked him from every communication channel, turned off my phone and threw it as hard as I could to the other side of the room.
Standing tall, my breath heavy and tears streaming down my face, everything became crystal clear.
In this one moment, I saw it all.
I finally understood why I felt so deeply unhappy. Why I felt so powerless to create change in the world. Why I felt my life was a lie.
My life was a lie because I had created it that way.
I was lying to myself.
I didn’t believe in myself.
I didn’t trust myself.
I had stopped dreaming. I had stopped thinking I was special. I had given up on the whispers inside my heart.
Somewhere along the line, I had created my life around other people’s beliefs, fears and pessimism.
The betrayal I felt from him, and from the world, was all a reflection of my SELF-betrayal.
Every time I listened to their voices, I betrayed myself.
Everything was a reflection of me.
I was responsible for it all.
And it was in the midst of confronting this painful hidden self-truth, I decided to rise instead of fall.
I decided I was done.
I was done blaming others.
I was done expecting fairytales to fall at my feet.
I was done hearing my own boring stories about how I want to make a real difference in the world without ever taking any real action.
The next day, I drove to the beach at dawn in a defiant (yet kind of romantic) act of “I-am-over-fucking-everything-in-this-world-including-myself”. With my feet in the ocean, I looked up and made a declaration to the sky.
It was the first time I “spoke” to the universe.
“FINE”, I had exclaimed.
I don't know WHO or WHAT you are up there. But I know you’ve been attempting to get my attention for a very long time.
So, I am officially yours. Please help me work out what my heart has been trying to tell me my entire life.
Please, show me the TRUTH.”
That was two years ago.
I can’t say I didn’t get exactly what I asked for.
People often comment how courageous I was to spontaneously resign from my psych career and pack my bags to venture off to ‘chase my dreams’.
What they don’t know is that it all started here, 6 months earlier, in this excruciating moment of self-honesty. A moment which lead to the most powerful, rebellious, life-altering decision I’ve ever made...
To surrender to my heart.
I’ve come to learn our most courageous acts are often birthed in the quietest of moments. A scrawled self-promise in a journal. A silent vow. An “enough is enough” declaration to our soul.
These can act as turning points in our life.
Catalysts of change.
Since this day two years ago, I don’t know how many times I’ve been called crazy.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been doubted, ridiculed and rejected. How many times I felt I’ve failed, f*cked up and hated myself. How many times I wanted to give up and leave this physical world all together.
They say to follow your heart you must lose your mind. I kept going because of the decision I made to surrender. I chose to trust that the voice in my heart was guiding me to a place I didn’t know existed yet - no matter how crazy it seemed or how many people I may have hurt or distanced myself from along the way.
I finally learnt to deeply trust myself.
To believe in myself. To back myself. To choose self-honesty. To prioritise self-love. To take responsibility for the voice in my heart.
My life, of course, looks (and feels) very different now.
I learnt that Trust was in fact the missing key to everything.
I learnt that we cannot transform fear to love without trust. It was the very solution to inner and outer harmony I’d always been intuitively searching for in modern psychology.
Not surprisingly, trust is now the cornerstone of my Emotion-Mindset Curriculum+ Coaching Modality which came to life when I bought myself to life these last two years.
In a world of fear, we need Trust more than ever.
In a world of deception, the need for self-knowledge has never been greater.
In a world currently preaching ineffective brain-based, mindset-driven, behaviour-based personal development, we need to understand heart, emotion and TRUST more than ever.
For individual and collective happiness and evolution, I truly believe we simply must, bring the SOUL back to psychology.
These are the foundations to which Academy of Authenticity were born.
From a raging self-declaration, to my life’s work.
And I know, I would do it all again-
in a heart beat.
For I know now that to CREATE the change you wish to see in the world, you must first truly BECOME that change.
I know now that COURAGE is an untapped human resource for individual and collective transformation.
I know now when YOU shift, the whole damn world shifts.
And I also know now...
That we are ALL responsible for creating our own fairytales.
Nov 2017: I heard my message tone. I looked at my phone. It was from him. I read it. My heart danced.
“You have me floating.
You are magic.”