What to say when someone says “I’m not good enough”

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If you’re brave enough to continue a conversation with someone after they vulnerably express they feel hopelessly not good enough...

Please avoid the bandaid solution.

Please avoid telling them all the ways YOU believe they are ‘enough’. This may provide some temporary symptomatic relief but it fails to address the core emotional-wound.

It’s kinda like how my doctor prescribed me cortisone cream for 25 years for eczema when it clearly wasn’t working and wasn’t addressing the core, underlying problem.

One of the greatest gifts you can give people is to help them access their own self-healing ability. Just as our body heals itself from an injury, our psyche too heals itself. Our soul is constantly seeking evolution; self-realisation.

Currently, our intrinsic capacity for evolution (also known as our heart’s desires) is suppressed by societal conditioning. Just like I had to question the modern medical system to heal my eczema, I had to be brave enough a few years ago to start questioning the modern psychology system (after dedicating a decade of my life to it) - to heal my psyche...

To allow myself to naturally evolve as I am meant to, and as we all are. Fear, self-hate and stagnation do not need to be our normal.

We have been relying on the current system and external validation to feel better for too long. It hasn’t been working. In fact, with 1-million people committing suicide a year and depression and anxiety becoming closer to the rule rather than the exception, I would argue that our attachment to modern day psychology is destroying us.

Individually and collectively.

This “I’m not enough” belief is one of our largest core emotional wounds. It requires more than bandaids.

Thus, what is truly empowering and reality-shifting in these moments is just to simply sit with this person and allow their feelings to surface (even if it makes YOU feel uncomfortable). Don’t run away. Breathe. Listen. Feel.

No doubt you’ve shared many of the same thoughts and beliefs they are telling you. You are connected in this human experience. They can and will find their own answers if provided the space to simply feel all they are feeling, without it being brushed to the side or chastised as weak.

If you’re going to use words, ask questions.

Ask questions which provoke their ability to realise their own worthiness. Instead of shoving a bandaid in their face, you are offering them a lifeline. You are reminding them on their own internal resources that they can access at any time (regardless of whether you are or anyone else is present).

Holding this type of space for someone will not just be healing for them. It too, will be healing for you.

Dare to step outside human conditioning. Dare to question outdated-models and societal systems. Dare to remember our truth.

Love, connection and belonging are always available to us. We do NOT need to be “worthy” enough to receive these. Nothing you have done or not done will make you less worthy of Love. Love does not care for such nonsense. Love simply, is.

Time to bring back soul to psychology.

Tessa Alexa